Thursday, March 28, 2013

Day 11=Calm

Day 11 has to be the best time of the month.  There is no anxiety over overanalysis of every single feeling your body has.  You are finally over the "not being pregnant" blues of Day 1-5.  You are starting to feel hopeful that "this might be the month" again.  I don't know, I am feeling pretty good today!  As every day is usually a struggle, I can't complain.

I am pretty excited for tomorrow.  We have our Day 12 Ultrasound to see if there are any happy eggs.  Just in time for Easter!  If all goes well, we will be doing an IUI this weekend.  I am so hopeful that everything will go as planned, but I am still a little nervous about the whole thing.  Afterall, if it doesn't work, we are out quite a bit of money.  Not nearly as much as if we did InVitro, but it's a lot of money to spend without results! 

Wish us luck, I am hoping for some good news tomorrow!

Tuesday, March 26, 2013

My Story

It wouldn't be a blog without laying out my life story for you now would it?  I am 28 years old and my husband and I have been trying to get pregnant for over a year now.  I know that is hardly anytime compared to many couples out there, but it feels like an eternity for me.  I simply don't understand why I can't get pregnant.  My husband and I were fortunate enough to get pregnant with our first child in 2009.  She truly is a MIRACLE.  We had no trouble at all getting her here on this earth.  That is why I am so taken back by the fact that we can't get pregnant now.  Nothing is really different this time around.  When we decided to have our first it was like this uncontrollable feeling came over me and I KNEW that it was time to have a baby.  It was like something internal, biological turned on and I was ready to be a mother.  Well after two months of trying, bam, I was pregnant.  Who knew it could be so simple?  I even remember saying, "Man I feel sorry for the women that go through infertility.  That first month of not getting pregnant was pure torture."  Little did I know how familiar I would become with that torture.

In December of 2011 I had that same instinctual feeling come over me.  It was time to have another baby.  My husband wasn't quite on board at this point and he really wanted to wait a few months until our daughter turned two.  After all, what difference does a few months make?  Well after the few months of waiting, he was finally ready to go.  Our first month, nothing...second month...nothing and so on until today. 

After about six months of trying, we finally decided to go in to see a fertility specialist.  I am definitely an A personality and trust me I wanted to be in that office after the second month of negative pregnancy tests.  My husband being a little more passive won the argument of waiting 6 months.  Our initial visit went as anyone expected.  Test after test ordered to see what was wrong.  Since we had only been trying 6 months, we didn't do every test immediately, which I now regret.  We started off by doing lots of ultrasounds, blood work, and a hystersalpinogram.  My husband even gave in to a Semen Analysis.  Everything came back normal with the exception of one blood test, my prolactin levels.

My milk never really dried up after breast feeding my daughter.  I had asked a few people about it and they all told me it was normal.  Well apparently it is not normal. The doctor decided to check my prolactin levels.  Prolactin is the hormone that is released by the pituitary gland in milk production.  When levels are high, it often causes infertility.  My prolactin levels were in the 40s and they should be below 29.  While the numbers weren't significantly high, the doctor was still concerned.  If you happen to google "high prolactin levels" you will see one of the first things that comes up is "Pituitary Tumor".  All I am thinking is, "I have a brain tumor?!?  That is why I can't get pregnant?  What the HELL?!?"  I was an absolute wreck to say the least.  The doctor decided to take the casual approach and put me on a medication called Bromocriptine.  This is the medication that nearly got me fired from my job.  When I was taking this I couldn't think straight, I was dizzy and I felt light headed constantly.  Plus I was obsessed with finding out if I had a pituitary tumor or not.  I finally went back in to the doctor after being on that medication for a week and told him that I couldn't take it anymore.  He finally ordered an MRI of my brain and switched me to Cabergoline instead for the high hormone levels.  I got my MRI results which were negative.  I was over the moon that I didn't have a tumor.  Wahoo!!  The cabergoline was working out great and I was hardly having any side effects.  My whole attitude changed and I was optimistic.  This is going to work, I am going to get pregnant!

Well the very month that I started the cabergoline I had a 50 day cycle.  You have got to be freaking kidding me!!  My cycles are always 28-29 days.  I have been like clock work since I had my daughter.  I was almost on a first name basis with the guy at the pharmacy after buying so many pregnancy tests that month.  Every single one, negative.  I didn't get it!  Finally, I started spotting...and spotting..and bleeding.  I was bleeding for 2 weeks non stop.  I decided to follow up with my OB and he prescribed me Provera.  If you want to take a ride on the crazy train, take Provera.  I was an absolute wreck.  I was moody, emotional, irrational, and I knew it but couldn't do anything about it.  The Provera stopped the bleeding but I didn't have another period for several weeks.  Once I started my cycle again my OB prescribed me Clomid because "it couldn't hurt right?".  He also referred me to a different doctor because I really was not happy with the current fertility specialist I was seeing.

My first visit with Dr. Marrs was great.  I felt really confident in what he was telling me and I felt like he was going to help me.  He layed it out for me.  He told me that even though I may have risk factors (endometreosis and high prolactin levels), there is nothing significant enough that should keep me from getting pregnant.  That was really hard to hear.  Great I am part of the Unexplained Infertility Group.  Trust me this is not a group you want to be a member of.  It's like, "Sorry we have no idea why you can't get pregnant.  You have potential great fertility!"  So not helpful.  Well Dr. Marrs went on to talk about In Vitro Fertilization.  He really thinks that is my only option if I am not able to conceive off of the Clomid.  That's all fine and well, but I do have one child remember?  Why was I able to get pregnant with her, but now I need IVF?  I just hate doctors sometimes.  It's like they only offer ridiculous things to try without finding the cause.  I am not opposed to IVF at all, in fact I am really considering it, but it is SO expensive.  I am having a hard time justifying the expense when we were able to do it naturally before.

So that brings us to today.  I am still taking Clomid and I am still not pregnant.  We are scheduled to do Artificial Insemination this week so I am hopeful that we may have some luck!

My Way to Cope

Hello, you may not know me but you may be going through the same thing as me.  This is my blog to help me cope with the many emotions that come with Infertility.  Ok, mostly just to bitch and gripe about the heart ache, the frustration and hopefully some day I will be rejoicing and I will be able to share that too.  If you read this blog, you musn't judge or be offended.  I am not writing this for you.  I hope that the things I post will be helpful to some and provide some kind of comfort to those that are wondering the same thing as I am, "What the hell did I do to deserve this trial?".